Why Am I Doing This?

I am not sure why I decided to start this whole thing up again. I have never been very successful at maintaining the effort required to produce a valuable product in the past. Then, there is the question of why I am choosing this particular digital venue. Who even blogs anymore? And in a relatively obscure corner of the internet for the tail end of the Infamous 2020. 

Well, honestly, I probably am a touch drunk on nostalgia after reading some of the things I blogged in the past. Some of which may be included in this blog and surely others will inspire future posts here. I am telling myself that this will be cathartic and help me take a deep dive into a lot of the past that I have avoided dealing with or, at times, even acknowledging the existence of. I, now,  have over two and a half years clean from all drugs and alcohol. More and more the desire to have it all make sense is gnawing at the fringes of my psyche. Surely, knowing myself, some of it is ego. A desire for attention. I am tryng to temper that with the hope that maybe, even in this dark, forgotten corner of the web, someone will stumble upon this adventure in self-reflection and glean some sort of perspective on their own journey. This could just be my rationalization for sepnding more time thinking about myself and avoiding the whole ass world around me. I know my sponsor would rightly say that it is yet another ridiculous diversion from doing my Fourth Step. He ain't wrong. 

Part of me is dealing with the creeping acknowledgement that I am very likely halfway done with my life on this planet. I want to leave behind something that tells my truly unbelievable and wholly inconsequential story. I don't delude myself into thinking that said story is unprecedented or that it is any manner of "est" in a world full of superlative things. But it is my story. My deeply troubled past. My unreasonably persistent present. And my delightfully indeterminant future.